Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Dreams vs. Life

Today I watched Revolutionary Road.

”If being crazy means living life as if it matters, then I don’t care if we are completely insane”says Kate Winslet
But how does one go about living life like it “matters”? Do you run away to Paris like the Wheelers planned to? Quit your job and dabble in arts?  Devote your materialistic life to charity?
I won’t lie. There has been many a day and even phases where I have felt like April Wheeler. Times I have felt stifled by my own life. The failures and even the successes. The choices I have made and their consequences.
It’s easier to be forgiving of the past. If I am unhappy with the way things are, it’s a result of choices I made in the past. Bad choices maybe, but what I believed were best at that time. I am sure I weighed my options to the best of my knowledge. But I was younger then and aren’t we all allowed some foolishness?
The present is trickier. It makes me feel like a split personality. One part of me is lulled in to smugness by a comfortable existence. The other is discontented, restless and constantly questioning the aforementioned existence. Sometimes it’s terrifying, this battle of “Is” against “What if?”
Around a year ago, I sat right here on my couch talking to a friend all night long. Our conversation was surprisingly soul-searching for two people who had just met. That night she quoted Zach Braff from The Last Kiss, saying “I’ve been thinking about my life lately. It’s all feels pretty planned out. There are no more surprises” She added that her life was all good.  But she knew exactly how her life was going to be and there was nothing left to look forward to anymore. Of all the things we talked about that night, this is what I remember best. Maybe because I was starting to feel the same way myself.

The dreamer in me has never got confused between dreams and reality. I always lived up to the practicalities. But in doing so, I’m afraid that I may have compromised on all those dreams I grew up with.  

Dreams nurtured by the books I read and time on my hands. Strangely enough they were never about achievement. But about places I wanted to see, people I wanted to meet and things I wanted to experience. I dreamt of being footloose. I wanted to be in places where history was made. Meet interesting people, make random acquaintances and find someone to dream with me. I wanted to do something worthwhile and make a difference in someone’s life. I wanted to experience uncertainty, revel in the unknown.  
That was my idea of living life as if it “mattered”. Of feeling life. I even had a plan until everyday life somehow got in the way.
But my life still is and always will be in my own hands. So maybe it’s not too late. Maybe now it’s time for my dreams to reckon with real life.


Absar Shah said...

Umm, the Wheelers were a wee bit crazy, yaknow? :)

I genuinely think that every one of us, we complicate life ourselves by brushing it up with a few strokes of fantasy. Of course, what fun would life be if we didn't, but all this.. painting should be to make life more enjoyable, not to make it more complicated :)

Have a good life, my sincere prayers :)

You-know-who said...

It’s never too late for anything, definitely not to ‘live’ life. Not just go through the motions. Though choices we make in realising these dreams may ‘rock the boat’ so to speak. Then again it all comes with being an adult and making choices. Though it does make me wonder, what happens when the dreams are realised and the experiences accounted for? Don’t you fall back into square one again? *Hugs*

Palwasha N. Minhas said...

“what happens when the dreams are realised and the experiences accounted for? Don’t you fall back into square one again?”

My kind of dreams have no beginning or end. The dreams that can be realised and done with are the dreams of achievement. And I never dream of that. Mine are the kind that go on and on.

Anahita said...

wonderfully written!

Palwasha N. Minhas said...

Thank you. :)

Vanessa said...

This is lovely, and I hope that you're able to live every dream you desire.

Anonymous said...

Ah dreams !!!

the only thing which i do still having a long stage of life gone.i Still wonders the wonderfulness,seeks the awesomeness,lust the randomness and still not thrive for uttermosts,coz it wud put halt on all of sudden to the evade ! i wish we all pursue our flight same as we are having it delighted !!!

Jonathan said...

So would you recommend "Revolutionary Road" then?

Maryam Zahoor... said...

palwashaaaa!!!! i'm BACK!!! :D

you know what girl... i'm really kind of impressed that you thought that way - you tried to make sense out of life, because not everyone does - or even if they do, they are so aged by then that it becomes very difficult to steer your ship because they are lots of passengers aboard and they wouldn't let you revolt.

I'd really like to talk to you about this sometime. don't know when, how tho.

Shoaib Ishrat said...

Dreams are not real and life is so real..:)

Eddie said...

I can relate to the type of split feeling you are talking about right there. Living up to the practicalities seems only logical and the right thing to do but then again every now and then you get tired of practicality. Every once in a while you actually want to do what the characters in the movie did. Funny, watching the same movie made me think the same way. Well written though.

Faaizmuhammad said...

more than excellent! how do we learn to explore our soul. is that our spiritualism that is heavier than materialism? what cravings? can anyone name them?

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