Tuesday, October 19, 2010

It's a simplest thing, always so hard to see.

At times we become friends with the most unlikely people in the most unpredictable manner. Too many times friendships break for the most unfathomable reasons. I don’t understand how people can break off relationships which took ages to form in the blink of an eye. It takes a lot of personal investment to form a relationship of any sort. You invest time, attention and most importantly a lot of your own self in the process. One would suppose that if for nothing else then personal benefit people would try to sustain it and yet they don’t.

While I can talk to people as long as I desire, as much as I wish there are very few where I become emotionally involved. However when this does happen then I embark on this journey of exploration of ‘us’ with permanence in mind. Naive, maybe, idiotic definitely! I never for a moment imagine that I would lose touch with you or that you wouldn’t be a very important part of my life for as long as I breathe. It took me this perverted place to realize that is not so. This realization was like measles, the earlier you have it, the better it is for the sufferer and yet I still don’t comprehend.


I am not your friend because I hope to gain some material advantage from you or because I cant find a more profitable way to while away the hours. I am your friend because I care and that is something which you don’t have the brains to figure out… yet or so I hope.

After a fight if I care enough to call and continue as if nothing happened it doesn’t mean I don’t have an ego, neither does it imply that you won some battle of wits for there are none involved.  Unfortunately logic never had much to do with how I feel about you.

Despite all this I have reached the end of my tether. I have tried my best to make you understand, maybe I haven’t been able to get my point across, maybe you don’t want to see the point. Whatever the reason, even for you there is a limit to what I can put up with without becoming bitter and I have reached that limit. So much as it pains me, much as I don’t want to, I need to.. let go. I need to stop but I will wait for you to come to your senses, if you ever do.

Hurry up though for I don’t know how long I will be here.




Tuesday, October 12, 2010





Sometimes you just have to let things be.










Thursday, October 7, 2010

No Big Deal

I could have been dead by now. 
I had apparently missed the blast  just by few minutes.
But, no big deal. 
Right?

What a sick world. 

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Crabapple..

Friend: How are you so happy all the time? 
Me: Because when I'm sad, I just STOP being sad. 
Friend: You need help.


But w/e all I need is a jhappi as of now. 
:(
Plus, I need to change my blogs layout. 
Help, Plis?

I remember a part of my dream from last night. Walking up long winding stairs to the top of a pristine white temple of some sort and watching the sunset and thinking this is where I want to be. It was so vivid and real. Unfortunately I woke up to find myself on the couch and all the happiness went right back to crabbiness. I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything properly. I’m this close to cutting all contact from the outside world and going into my shell for a couple of days(months?). Every free moment is spent worrying or whining or cribbing or wishing. I want positivity. I want direction. I want an escape. I want sunshine.
  

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Very disappointed.

Just when I started trusting you with the whole of me.. 
Why did you have to lie?
 Matlab, 
hudh he hogae,
 jee.

I tou just never saw it coming.
Humph.