A racing heart is an alarming symptom, along with all those other clichéd expressions like butterflies in the stomach, palpitating palms, knees buckling or turning to jelly, pudding, trifle (or whatever dessert u fancy) and incoherent speech (disjointed sentences, obvious grammatical errors, stammering, stuttering, spitting). If a certain someone has that affect on you, then you are most definitely...not in love..but in trouble. You would very conveniently try to overlook the most glaring of his flaws and magnify even the most nonexistent qualities and even if the object of your affections has not been blessed, then you would make an utmost effort to turn his vices into virtues. This is what obsession/infatuation does to you. You chase an idea, not a person, you are enthralled by the feeling and a not a human being. Sometimes it was simply the magic of that moment which held you spellbound, sometimes someone just catches you when you are your most vulnerable self and sometimes you are just being a plain idiot and willingly take a nosedive into the ditch.
But I don’t want to talk about this...i want to talk about Mature Love...the dull, steady, predictable, stable like the waters of a lake, very unlike the infatuation which is like the gushing river, meandering its way down the valley, moving with great speed and zeal washing away everything that comes in the way. At that time you feel life is your canvas, and the possibilities are endless, you can move the brush in any direction and the painting would turn out pretty. You are spontaneous, impulsive and unstoppable. It is only when you reach a certain age, you realize in your haste, how you have smeared the colors on the sketch and how you have bruised yourself blue by speeding on that gravelly path. Anyways so I am digressing again…Mature love with its still and serene waters. Its boring alright, but I think it is only after some time and a couple of bad decisions later, you begin to realize boring is synonymous to stable, and stability is the only thing that holds you firmly on the ground. We may fall in love with bitches and bad boys, but we need a man/woman with character, principles and a stable head to move forward (especially if we ourselves happen to be psychotic, obsessive, impulsive and bi-polar). We need compatibility and comfort, as opposed to chemistry, which is completely ephemeral and can be blamed on hormones more than anything else. We need someone to think rationally, someone who has an ability to know exactly how to handle a crisis situation, someone who has the patience to listen to your sometimes wild, sometimes interesting, sometimes totally outrageous ideas without judging you but most importantly he should have the strength to stand by you and defend you fiercely if you are wronged, but at the same time having the power to alter you, when you are wrong yourself, without being imposing. I think it is almost impossible to find someone with a wild streak, a stable mind and principled heart. And if you also manage to fall in love with such a man/woman, than it may actually be mature love. You are not judging the strength of your emotion by how many times your heart skips a beat or how often he/she leaves you short of breath. There is something far more significant, poignant and most importantly lasting in that relationship. You share the same fundamentals, ideas and perspective on life, religion, career, family and love. In mature love it’s so much easier to tune yourself to the same frequency, and once you have that, then your idea of romance changes. You know what the person is thinking about even while sitting across the room. The secret smile on his/her face would be interpretable by you alone, even in a roomful of people. Having the power to complete someone’s sentences and enjoying companionship even in silence, without having to fill it constantly with meaningless banter.
However, having said that and painting the most idealistic image of this let me tells you why it’s still so rare, because this requires effort, time and patience. This is not something that you will get on a silver platter, it’s something you will have to find, and it exists in the most unlikely places. Most of us will complain about never coming across a love so profound, and that’s not because something as perfect as that doesnt exist but because we don’t know where to look for it.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Posted by Palwasha N. Minhas at 7:24 PM