Monday, August 30, 2010

..

The beginnings of a new relationship are so strange, are-they-not? Strange and somewhat tedious. All that senseless dithering, speculating about the hidden meanings behind actions and intentions behind words. It's an appealing miasma, but a miasma it be: this process of discovering, assessing, evaluating another human being. On so many levels the calculations start though completely unbidden. Even the most cynical of us wonder if 'this-one-time' will be an exception, and in that wondering drive ourselves mad. The most unnerving thing, I think, of this (inevitable) process is the tedious wait. The wait till he calls. The wait till he says what you think he should be saying. The wait while you wonder if what you're inferring in is actual fact what he is saying. The wait while you figure out if you're reading the signals right. The wait while you figure out if this is what you want after all...





Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Baba Dearest..



sometimes when i am tired and the world is 
far away and muted
i wish for things. things like 
sheep and a pillow and 
blue fish.
small wishes, little wishes 
pairs of arms and tired lips still smiling 
eyes fluttering, teetering on 
a dream 
sometimes when 
i am tired and 
strength is so 
far away
i miss you.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Love was only a dream.



I swim
Towards an unknown shore
Drawn towards…
The deep sea
I may drown
In the abyss of another world
Unknown to me…
I watch the waves beating the rocks
As it throbs…
In my heart.

Why am I climbing
Onto the steep hills
I know…
I am scared of heights
I look down…
From those deadly curves
The more, I feel dizzy
As the cloud kisses its peaks
It stirs an ache
I realize i may fall.

In the magical desert
As I get lost…
I walk without a destination
In its stormy dune
I heard it is this way…
In love
The oasis…
Seem a mirage
I am enchanted
In its fairy tale.

I float as the cloud
Slowly, maybe softly
As I soar in the sky
I sense a new freedom
As a bird, I glide
I imagine…
My wings could reach…
The moons and stars
As they stare and smile
I have touched my soul.

I open my eyes…
I see him walking…
Away, from me
I pray…
The wind carries him
Back, to me
If only, he could love me.





Friday, August 13, 2010

..and I wonder about the wonder

Babies can hear at twelve weeks. I speak to Much-Awaited-Baby sometimes. I wonder how it feels- not just carry someone in your heart; anyone can do that- but to really carry a person around in your tummy, know that behind your belly button is someone else's (eventual) belly button. And best of all- they're yours. something you can really literally call your own. That human being belongs to me. (nobody is supposed to belong to anyone but when you share half of your genetic self with someone I think you do, whether you like it or not.) 'that one's mine'. There is such wonder in a small person! Such sweetness, such a fragile kind of purity... I can't stop looking at you, at your flower eyes and thoughtful fingers, can't resist lightly tapping your little tiptilted nose ("toot toot!"), smiling back at your six-teeth, crooked grin...you are so complete in your tiny self..your head isn't even as high as the kitchen counter and yet there is some kind of grace, some kind of simple wisdom in the way you go exploring, the way you think crossed eyes are funny, the way you give blades of grass, a brick, a thread on a carpet so much importance...carefully investigating, understanding for yourself and carrying onto the next discovery. It's not just that you're so damn cute in your own pixie way. It's the way the world is still astonishing, still new, still special. How every corner hasn't been turned, every berry hasn't been chewed experimentally, every lawn run around barefoot in, every banister slid down upon, every downpour been danced in. And that's what growing up begins to rob from you, and what I try so hard to retain. Wonder.


















Sunday, August 8, 2010

Where have you been



outside, dancing with the fairies 
delighting in 
my moonshine skin 
and starlit eyes, 
my hair as dark as shadow. 
i was 
gathering the mystery of 
the night's breath unto 
myself, i was 
catching the dew in my 
eyelashes- 
i was singing 
songs of silver light 
and firefly glimmer i was 
magic, for one night. 






Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I Miss You!

I have finally stepped into academia again. A huge step for months of studying from one set of papers to another. With the relief of having finally made up my mind and made that ever important step of actually building courage into putting myself through the torture.

But among all that.. I miss you!

I miss you who are abroad, and you who are  in the country.

I miss you who are just a few minutes away yet I meet on a very rare basis.

I miss you who are a call away but of whom I rarely get to hear the voice.

I miss all the laughter shared and even the stupid fights we may have had, the sarcasm and the humor found and shared with just one glimpse at each others’ eyes.

I miss the mornings where we wake up to the stupidest of calls, the stupidest of jokes, the stupidest of annoying moments or the stupidest of wrestles.

I miss the conversation shared, the songs sung, the secrets still kept within us.

I miss all the wonderful times, the amazing experiences and new adventures and most of all  a person who really gets me.

I miss you and every moment treasured.

I miss you and I just can’t wait to see you again. :')