Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Relationships or Manacles??

Blogging about something that I wrote quite a while back. Precisely, when I was in 12th standard. 

2 June 2008
Today I was having tea with one of my good friends that I have known for more than 6yrs. He was nice enough to help me out with my exam work as I was unfortunately dying being swamped with too much of organic/inorganic chemistry I am incapable of grasping.
In the middle of it, his phone starts ringing and the whole atmosphere changes. I ask him what is wrong and he tells me it’s his girlfriend.
I tell him to answer the phone to which he replies that she doesn’t know that he is with me and that hence he cannot respond!
The petrified look on his face and then the sudden panicked look in his eyes make me wonder what he is doing being in such a relationship. He has been complaining for the last 1.5years that he is not happy and the reaction sort of made me realize to what extent his life is a pretext. What sort of a relationship is it that makes you need to lie or cover up your presence with a friend you have known over the years? Most of all given the fact that he was merely helping another person with something as innocent as studies!! 
I felt bad as I was the reason for him to get so panicked.And it also made me wonder what people get into calling it “being in a relationship”!
Is a relationship something that makes us pretend to be something we are not? Is it that which makes us lie and then cut down on being with our friends?? Is it something that ties us down and make us enforce upon ourselves manacles pulling us down and creating tension within us??
In my process of typing this he calls me. I ask him how he is and whether he was okay and tell him that I hope that they didn’t have a fight.
He laughs another pretext he lives with on a daily basis and tells me that they did, but not something regarding me!! (of course he did not tell her that he helped me out!)
I laugh because I have no other reaction for the situations he gets himself into while silently praying that what ever relationship I may be in, that I would find someone who would be nice enough to understand that tea with someone is sharing a friendly moment over tea,  and that helping a friend with studies is something nice and would encourage me in such endeavor rather than make me feel horrified enough not to pick the phone when it rings!
But for my misfortune,  if I do not find such a man (which I believe would not be the case, nevertheless hypothetically assuming), well I would rather enjoy being me and single than be some person who has no clue what the hell I am doing with my life :)


nomi said...

Realistic.... =)

MK said...

Nice! I heart this post very very much! :) It's awfully candid and real. I have always been a hater of 'being-in-a-relationship'. Apart from the whole religious context, I think it's lame too sacrifice so much in life for someone you might not even be together with the same time next year.

MK said...

Nice! I heart this post very very much! :) It's awfully candid and real. I have always been a hater of 'being-in-a-relationship'. Apart from the whole religious context, I think it's lame too sacrifice so much in life for someone you might not even be together with the same time next year.

Nikita said...

haha...its a nice post.enjoyed thoroughly...it happens sumtimes....

Divaa Divine said...

a very enjoyable read :)

my Wickedness

Vanessa said...

Really great post!

Sami Saayer said...

insecurities are normal in a relationship and so are compromises. saying that one should not compromise in love and should not be insecure, is more of text books stuff.

FurSid said...

so very true... we should remain true and open about whatever and however we are! good post... :)

Palwasha N. Minhas said...

MK: Word. :)

Sami: I do agree with the insecurities and compromises wala part. I'm all for compromises when needed.BUT when your significant other does not trust you a bit and question your every move. Thats when it become unbearable.

Fursid: Exactly.

mao said...

I like this post. Here's my take on relationships.

While you must never be in a relationship where you fear telling the truth - you also need to be sure and smart of what you are doing and where you are.

Matlab ke I've gone through phases where I've had good guy friends. Who you study with. Have good moments during tea with. And all my experiences have taught me that there is a thin line. On what it means to be friends with the opposite sex. You think its platonic but it never really is.

Not judging. I still have my own share of friends. But after getting in my own relationship (marriage), I realize my guy friends and I can only have very casual interaction with each other. I understand why the guy in this post was panic striken with explaining his interaction with you. Its a lot of explaining to do about nothing. I guess that's what you call growing up and maturing. With time, he'll understand better how to handle interacting with his female friends while being in a long term relationship.

What I'm saying is, every couple has their boundaries. My spouse studies with the opposite sex and works with them. Vice versa. I have many friends and aquaintances too of the opposite sex. But we accept and understand each other's level of interaction - so we don't hide it. I guess the underlying moral of the story is that this guy needs to be on the same page with his gf. Maybe he'll grow into it, or he'll find someone else who shares his ideas.

did I make any sense? In a hurry to get back to work :). Let me know!